2 years, 10 months, and 2 weeks between these photos…and a lot of different emotions.
I spent the half hour I was waiting in the University of Minnesota volleyball gym before walking in for commencement on the verge of tears. I was surrounded by groups of friends laughing and smiling and people with banners and cords around their necks that symbolized that they graduated from the Honors College, with a GPA over 3.9, from the leadership program, or as a college athlete. I had two simple yellow cords around my neck, meaning that I had a GPA over 3.75, and no friends around me to laugh or smile with.
When I walked into the ceremony, I sat by myself in the third to last row. I saw my family laughing and cheering for me, but I felt very, very alone in that auditorium of nearly 8,000. I also felt incredibly unaccomplished.
You see, when it was time to graduate from high school, I had a very different perspective of my time spent at that school. During my four years as a high school student, I…
- Played in 5 state championship matches and won 3 of them
- Completed over 400 years of service (closer to probably 1000)
- Had the second highest GPA in the class (and I would have tied for the highest GPA if I had gotten ONE MORE QUESTION right on a sophomore year math class final)
- Held the first-chair clarinet seat in three different ensembles for four years
- Held leadership positions in multiple clubs
- Served on student government for four years
- Was a member of the National Honor Society and the French Honor Society
- Was the editor of the yearbook and newspaper
- Was about ready to embark on a journey halfway around the world to attend a renowned veterinary school with an acceptance rate of less that 6% for international students
…and I had the bling to back it up. I walked into my high school ceremony on top of the world. I delivered a Salutatorian Address. I was recognized with numerous academic and extracurricular awards. I made the most of my time at my high school.
In contrast, at the University of Minnesota, I…
- Coordinated a fundraising gala for an art exhibit
- Won an Alumni Award and scholarship for that fundraiser coordination
- Graduated with Distinction for my GPA that was over 3.75
- Made the Dean’s List during my senior year
- Presented a paper at a conference
To me, that felt like nothing. I felt like I wasted my time at the University of Minnesota and I felt like I had accomplished very little of what I was capable of and of what I envisioned I would during my time at college. That was really hard. It was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life so far, and all I felt was unaccomplished.
That’s the key word, though – “supposed to”. In my opinion, that would should be thrown out and stuffed down the garbage disposal. You are not supposed to do anything beyond exactly what your authentic self wants to do and be. My priorities just weren’t in student life and awards at the University of Minnesota. During my 1 year and 9 months in Minnesota, I…
- Became a second degree blue belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
- Became an assistant instructor for BJJ and MMA students
- Taught self-defense to hundreds of women
- Ceated a beautiful family of BJJ/MMA friends
- Raised two amazing kids
- Prioritized my mental health by going to therapy (something I NEVER would have done before)
- Chased after an incredible dream of being a USAF Pararescueman with everything I had in me
- Picked myself up and found a new dream when the aforementioned Air Force dream didn’t work out
- Loved an amazing man since pretty much day 1 in Minnesota
- Re-evaluated my definition of family after my parents’ divorce and my grandmother’s passing
- Discovered a passion for trauma psychology and wrote a book about it
I grew an astounding amount as a person during my time in Minnesota, and that, to me, is so much more important than what bling I wore to graduation or what lines I can add to my resume. It sounds cliche, but at the end of your life, people won’t remember how many awards you won or what your GPA was. They will remember how much you loved, how courageously you lived, and how passionately you dreamed.
I’m well aware that this was an incredibly long read, so thanks for sticking with me until now. I just felt that it was important to be transparent about my feelings and thoughts surrounding my graduation instead of just posting the happy, smiling pictures. Being proud of yourself for something you don’t feel that you should be is hard. Luckily, “should” is joining “supposed to” down the garbage disposal. I got my degree with a good GPA from a good university – that’s worth celebrating. But the other stuff? The non-academic stuff? That’s worth more than gold to me.
I can’t say to simply be proud of yourself, because that’s much easier said than done and therefore relatively useless. But I can tell you to work on being proud of yourself for YOUR life and YOUR priorities, just as I am working on that for my life, every single day.
If you know someone who needs to hear this, please either share this link or direct them to this Facebook post.
